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stream of conscience [Jan. 23rd, 2016|01:40 pm]
I apologize in advance for the randomness of this post. I will be writing as things come to me.

The first thing on my list is confusion. I am confused about a comment my husband made to me as he was coming in from shoveling today. It was the last thing that was said before I went to finish what he started, so it's now the first thing on my mind when I came in.

The scenario was this: Our son was screaming "Daddy, daddy" at the door of the garage, which we just came in. We were coming in to warm him up since we were out there for a ilittle while and his cheeks were rosy red & cold. When hubby came in I said, "He just wants his Daddy". He replied, "Well, it wasn't as if I had a choice." I said, "Yes, I could do it." He said, "Then it would take six months." I couldn't reply, since I didn't know what to say. He had our son by then and brought him in the house and our son was still screaming (I think he wanted to go outside some more). I went outside and shoveled while some tears poured out of my eyes. I soon took out all my aggression on the snow and got it off of our deck like hubby wanted. I come in to both of them napping in our son's room.

Obviously there is something underlying that he hasn't said to me and I can't think of what that may be. What is there around the house that he has wanted me to do in a more timely manner? That's the first thing I will ask when he wakes up, since he's holding something back.

Me, I'm holding everything back by not writing my feelings down more. Circumstances are thus: I was terminated from my computer job at the end of May 2015. I applied for unemployment and received that and something from my company. Hubby said that he supported me trying to build up my massage practice so that's what I started to do. Went up to visit with mom in July for a week & it ended up being two weeks (just me and my son). Went up again around Labor Day and then again at the end of September, when mom passed. Since then I've started to work with two different chiropractors and added another day at the second one. We went up to MI for Thanksgiving to see the family and work on the house. Not a lot got done then or around New Year's, so I recently went up myslef and a lot more got done.

Am I still grieving? Yes. I think it's the anger stage now, though wtith my hormones in play I'm not sure (weepy). There are gemstones that I haven't done much with, maybe hubby's thinking of them. I actually think I'm avoiding working on them because of how hard it will be emotionally for me. Boy do we really need to talk, and not just about our son. I'm going to start reading more and one of the first books I'll read is the one on couples communication because what we're doing isn't working right now. Not with the comment he made.

Thanks for reading the ramblings. I feel a little better.
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Striving For Balance [Oct. 14th, 2015|11:49 pm]
Balance come in many forms. Walking balance, running balance and dancing balance are all movement types. Home/work/social balance is another. What the subject of this post refers to is emotional balance. That even keel where hormones and outside events don't play a part in.

I'm not sure I'll find it any time soon. Why? I am currently experiencing the phases of grief with the passing of my mother on September 30 around 10:20 AM eastern time. For all of my son's life she has been battling cancer and has finally lost that battle. A whole 17 months plus (the plus is because she began the fight while I was still pregnant). Just because you, somehow, know the end is coming, you are not, necessarily, prepared for it.

I am pretty sure that I am in the depression stage of grief as any reminders of what I can no longer do, talk with mom, gets the tears running. Shock has faded to a dull roar as I trudge on through the weeds of life insurance claims and finances to settle. There are many more things to be done and I'm trying to accomplish something every day. Trying is the keyword. Stumbling is more apt.

I know as time passes the pain will lessen, but will never be forgotten. Cherish every moment with your family and those friends that you consider family (a lot of those over here). I hope that my family of friends will provide the distractions I need in the upcoming months. This weeks standout distraction is a Friday night symphony.

Goodnight and hold tight to the ones you love!
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Random job thoughts [Jun. 23rd, 2015|10:29 pm]
Just over three weeks ago I was told that my position at the place I worked at for 18 years was "terminated due to reorganization". Since then I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with the skills I have from my job and those that I have from going to Massage Therapy school. So far I'm leaning more towards Massage Therapy than going back to programming.

Due to the physical nature of massage therapy it would probably be best if I did that part time and did something else part time (possibly programming). Trouble with that is that I have been programming for those 18 years in COBOL/DB2/CICS and recently was learning IMS. Not sure where to go with that. If anyone has any idea please comment! I did have a small stint in Java/jsp using oracle gateway to get to a DB2 database.

As for the massage therapy portion - I have my license and want to continue to put my skills to good use. I have a scar tissue class set up for August 1 & 2 for some CEUs for next renewal cycle and plans to get the rest of them later this year or ealy next year. My hope is that I will gain enough clients to have three sessions at least 4 times a week. If anyone is in the Pittsburgh area please look me up. I'd like to do more trades with fellow LMTs to get more practice in while I'm in this transition phase. I have been urged by clients to get a facebook business page set up, so I'll be working on that sometime in the coming week. Need to take a couple of pictures first. Wish me luck for my talk tomorrow with my chiropractor - he's looking to add massage therapy to the services offered at his practice and would like to work with me if I'm willing.

So many things to think about.
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Striving for balance [Apr. 25th, 2015|11:06 pm]
Today we had my son's one year birthday party and invited close friends that helped out with babysitting him along with the obligated family members. Everything was going well until my husband called a good friend Aunt in my SIL, husbands side, hearing. I learned of this after the fact, when I went after her as she was storming out the door announcing to all that she was leaving. She asked me a question, "When did he start calling her aunt?", gave me a hug then proceeded down the walkway stating, "It's either her or me!"

My initial thought? Why can't it be both? My son can use all the people that want to be in his life. The more the merrier in my book. I found out that this same SIL called my son a brat in an email conversation with the person she was objecting to. I take offense to that. SHE hasn't been around him enough to know his personality and that is her fault. We have suggested that she come over and spend time with him, but she always has some excuse. Children that age like routine and get grouchy if you change that routine too much at once - hence the suggestion that she visits us. He would be in his environment and comfortable and be able to get to know her better. Oh, and she also called him a monster to me directly in a phone conversation and the more I think about it, even after her clarification, the more I am upset at it.

I believe that I have come to my breaking point concerning her.

I did realize something about myself tonight: I am having a hard time not caring about this and letting it go because I am a healer by nature and I don't feel myself unless I help others feel good either physically through massage or just talking things out. I need to help others and my husband's sister doesn't seem to want any help. From me or anyone else.

I need to stop hitting my head against a brick wall concerning her and just let it go. I know, easier said than done. I am going to try by just focusing on my son and become a mama bear in her presence if I have to.

Thanks for listening, I now return you to your regular scheduled journals/blogs.
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Mega Update [Feb. 17th, 2014|10:50 pm]
I'm officially in my 32nd week of pregnancy and it's been interesting. Noticing some muscle aches here and there and I'm combating them with stretching. Our son likes his space and doesn't like it when I'm encroaching upon it in any way, shape or form. Right now I'm writing this post using my iPad and semi-crunching my stomach sitting in a cross-legged position. He complained about that. Moved a little and now we're on better terms.

Since my last update I received my Massage License for the state of PA and have joined the ABMP organization for their liability insurance. My business cards only mention my license number and contact info, not my ABMP affiliation. Speaking of: Taking appointments. $50 for initial consultation/assessment with a 40 min massage, $55/hr after the initial for a whole 60 minute massage. Prices are negotiable with lower time frames and the different types of massage that I know (Swedish, Myofascial, Neuromuscular, Reflexology). If you want me to travel to you it is $10 extra.

Work is starting to come to a head with training of my relief over my maternity leave. I really wish I didn't have to take maternity leave and could stay home with my son and just do massage and crafts for income, but because of the health care we have through my work I need to go back to work for full-time. If anyone knows of a better situation that involves massage therapy and good benefits in the region of PA that I'm in I'm all ears! I think if I had a client base already it would help, but I've only massaged one client since I've had my massage license. I want to make a business plan, but to do that I need to know what is the absolute least I need to make so we can be fluid and not cut much of our standard of living. You see, I'm willing to cut down/out some of the things we do to stay home and raise our son, but I"m not sure my hubby is. I'm still doing my part with the food bill since I"m the one that does the food shopping and I was taught how to save by the best (Mom). I still could probably do more with that.

I have a baby shower date! It's March 15 from 4 to 8:30PM in downtown Irwin. Invites will be going out this weekend and we'll be inviting people via FB as well. Registered under my name with both Babies R US and Walmart.

In the coming weeks I will be writing up book reviews for the last couple of books I've read and posting them to eOpinions under moonbeamjedi. I will be linking to them from here and FB. This will help both the authors and myself since I will be reviewing some of my friends small press books as well as mass market. I'm always thinking of different ways to make money and am willing to take on many practice poi commissions if you tell me the colors you like and length of your arm from the armpit (axillary region) to the palm of your hand. I have MANY different colors of yarn to do this with, so be creative at color picking.

Thanks for reading!
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NaNoWriMo has begun! [Nov. 1st, 2013|10:00 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |worriedworried]

I still need to study and take my MBLEX exam for my massage license. Despite that I have decided to try the NaNoWriMo challenge again. I think this will be the best year for me to try again since it will be the last year sans child. It's going to be a fairly easy month to get some writing done as I am taking a vacation in the middle of it and plan to do writing while I'm on vacation. If my exam is still looming, I will also be doing some studying. Between now and then I need to find a good WordPress app that saves your work for the iPad. Any suggestions fellow geeks? If I can't find one by then I'll be emailing myself the work I'm doing while on vacation to make sure it's backed up!

Wish me luck as we are going to be heading to Las Vegas! After the discussion I had tonight with hubby about the future I need to win BIG in Las Vegas to do what I want to do! Which is raise my child as a stay-at-home mom who does massages on the weekend for extra income along with crafting poi and other things (writing perhaps?). So many ideas are swirling around my noggin on how to make money, but none of them seem attainable at the moment with the health care crisis looming in the near future. With a child on the way we definitely have to think about the health care aspect. It's something that scares both me and the hubby.

Going to sign off here so I can do some reading before bed! Exam reading!

BTW - so far my NaNoWriMo count is 356 words. Going to be more by the end of the night!
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My how times have changed... [Oct. 12th, 2013|04:40 pm]
It has been an interesting month. For those that don't follow me on Facebook this post will be a surprise.

My school program at the Pittsburgh School of Massage Therapy is coming to a close. I will be officially graduating on Friday, October 18, 2013. I am a custom student so it took me about 2 and 1/2 years total for the program instead of a year if I went full time. In that time I've had classes with many different groups of people and it has all been an awesome experience. I was definitely meant to be with the class I'm graduating with right now. They are a very sweet bunch of people.

Along with graduating I am now 13 weeks pregnant. Yes folks, pregnant. Took the first test Aug 15, second on Aug 17, and the third on Aug 19 and made an appointment to see the doctor on Aug 22, who confirmed the pregnancy. Had my first ultrasound on Aug 30 that said I was 7 weeks and 3 days along. My new estimated due date is mid-April. We are going through prenatal screening right now and am waiting on the results from the blood test. The measurement was a little more than what the doctors wanted, but I get the vibe from my child that everything is okay, so I'm going with that.

The massage room is now going to be the nursery and hubby is making plans to build the crib and changing table. It's going to be interesting for the next 7 months!
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Decisions and direction [Aug. 11th, 2013|05:18 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

School has kicked off again. Two more Saturday Business classes (because I don't want to create a business plan by missing one), then First Aid/CPR the following Wed and the next, then the start of Myofascial and one class of Marketing. Looking forward to graduating in October! I still need to schedule when I'm taking my exam. My teachers have confidence in me, so I should have confidence in myself when taking the test, right? Yesterday we were told to do our due diligence now, while we're in school, so by the time we graduate we will know if we want to work for someone else or be our own boss and what that all costs to do. Set goals to achieve them. Very similar information that the Franklin Planner class said way back when. There have been times where I've done a little of the math, now I think I should put that in a spreadsheet to get it real.

The current plan is to make our spare bedroom into the massage room. It kind of already has been since it constantly has the massage table set up in it. There is still a lot of work to be done and I need to do it sooner rather than later. Last night we looked at some possible carpet to replace what is in there. Not really liking the choices so far, need to look more. Painting should be first, but with the way my body has been feeling lately I'm not so sure it's up for it. Very odd things have been happening and I might need to make a doctor appointment to figure it all out. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it's NOT life threatening.

Right now part-time massage therapy seems to be what is going to be happening for the next year at least. I'd like to get see this project through at work and get someone trained to take over, if at all possible. I don't like leaving people in the lurch, but it might be necessary in this case. Things will all wash out in the end. Going to be interesting seeing just how things turn out. My main concern right now is health insurance, that's why I need to work where I'm at for the next year.

I felt the major need to get some of these thoughts down somewhere and since I haven't posted here for awhile I thought it was the best place. That and my MacBook needed to be used for something besides web browsing and game playing. Soon I will be using it for writing again, fictional writing and book/movie reviews. At least that is my plan. How soon? After October 13, that's as close as I can get right now.
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Enjoying July, mostly [Jul. 14th, 2013|11:41 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]

So far in July we had a pool party that was full of awesomeness, spent time gaming and hanging out with friends and taking dance lessons together.

I haven't really studied much for the exam, except to read a chapter of Job's Body. Need to get rolling on that. I did clean up the massage room a bit and will be working on someone today for practice. I still need to pick up frames for my trigger point charts and clean the room a little bit more so it can finally be patched and painted. By the end of July we should have a nice color scheme going on and the room looking more like a professional massage room. At least, that is the plan.

Had a problem with a job at my day job that kept me up until 3:00AM this morning. It's sorted for now. My day job is getting more and more stressful and I'm liking it less and less. I think I'm going to spend the rest of my time in July throwing ideas together on how to grow my massage practice. If I get some sort of plan together now I should be able to implement it when I finally get my license. I still don't know if I can do part time or not at my current day job, so some parameters still need to be filled in. The ideal situation is part-time computer, part-time massage therapy and then hobbies on the weekends. I hope to do massage at Ren Fairs in PA once I get my license - that would be fun!

Time for me to sign off for now. Need to get a few things done before my client gets here!
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Light at the end of a very long tunnel [Apr. 28th, 2013|12:53 am]

At the end of June it will be two years that I have been at school. It has been a long journey and will be even a longer one since I will not graduate until October. My plan is to take the license exam sometime in July/Aug timeframe. A lot of studying has to happen between then and now though.

Work is getting more hectic since one of our teammates was let go and I have taken on her responsibilities. The only consolation is that I got a slight raise this month, nothing too substantial, yet something just the same. I don't think it's enough to offset what I've taken on though. It almost makes me want to get my massage license earlier rather than later.

I will need to have volunteers for massages in July to keep me practicing. Please message me to set up something. I know July is a ways away, but you'll at least be on the schedule. Which reminds me, I need to schedule at least two more people for this current class.

Hope everyone is doing well! I needed to get some words out tonight, glad I remembered the app!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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